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Pauline Douglas

Inner Quest




The Banishment of Suffering

6th Factor of Achievement

"Willpower" is romantically considered to be the ultimate proof of emotional strength. We often associate "Willpower" with a certain level of martyrdom or suffering that entails championing over a dreaded task, deed or relationship.

In truth, willpower is mostly used to maintain suffering.

The Misuse of Willpower

Good examples would be remaining in a job or relationship, that does not bring happiness. In these instances, personal integrity is often sacrificed to satisfy a perceived outward influence.

"What would my family think" or, "How would I survive?"

Human beings tend to fool themselves that their martyrdom will in some way produce divine rewards for all that misery, but in reality, emotional turmoil and eventual illness will be the only reward.

The Mirror of Life

Using willpower to maintain sufferingJenny was dealing with what many of us must deal with from time to time, a problematic relationship at work. No matter what dialogues Jenny would open with the other female, agreement could never be reached and a domination match would result.

Jenny would find herself involved in any number of controlling scenarios ranging from direct confrontation to confusing silent treatments. Jenny found that the situation was becoming all consuming. She could not sleep at night and was now reluctant to go to the office each day for fear of a confrontation. Jenny was also fearful of what others might be saying behind her back.

Jenny thought she was exercising every bit of her Willpower to stay in the job, because what she really felt like, was fleeing for her life. This "other" woman was, in Jenny's mind, making her life totally miserable.

"She is attempting to undermine me in the office. I am powerless to stop her because I am not good in confrontation. I feel helpless and inferior."

Nobody Else Is Responsible for How We Think or Feel

Jenny had noted through this program that there was no such thing as one-way domination and that her "feelings" and "reactions" were an intuitive signal to deal with an unconscious issue within herself.

Jenny also realized that she was the only person in the office who reacted to this woman in this way, another sign that this was likely a personal issue.

Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zone to See the Truth

Sticking Pins In Each OtherJenny called upon her True Willpower to step out of her comfort zone to look honestly at her own reactions, as well as those of the other female. Completion meant looking into her past to identify where she first learned to react in this fashion.

"My Mother undermined me all the time when I was a child, it was like walking on eggshells, she never seemed happy or proud of anything I did. If I spoke, I was told to be quiet. I often felt helpless and inferior. I am 56 years old now and Mother still treats me in the same manner. I still have the same internalized hurt, but as she is my Mother, I just swallow it."

The revelation meant Jenny was able to research her mothers past and complete the long-standing unconscious issue she had with her Mother. Forgiveness arrived after acknowledging the inconceivable tragedies and cruelty that her Mother had experienced as a child throughout the war, which were responsible for her devastating psychological scars and the resulting inability to love and nurture.”

The next step now was to detach from the co-worker’s behavior.

Jenny asked herself what dominating tactics she used to retaliate and the penny dropped.

"Oh, my goodness, I do exactly the same as my Mother! I show complete contempt by ignoring this woman!"

Having now detached from the "dramatics", Jenny was able to see the situation more clearly and realized that her colleague was dealing with many personal difficulties outside of working hours including a divorce.

Jenny also identified that she herself had been so consumed with her own blame and emotions, that she had not even considered entertaining compassion.

Blame vanished and so did Jenny's fear of going into the office.

Disarmed of her former dominating retaliation, "as if by magic" the other females' demeanor also altered, within days the confrontation ended.

Suffering Only Exists As A Concept In The Mind

"True Willpower" recognizes that there is no such thing as a trial or tribulation, only thoughts in the mind of the bearer.

"True Willpower" provides us with the opportunity to take the necessary actions to modify our thought processes to move away from suffering forever.

"Willpower" demonstrates that there is ONLY personal reaction to be considered and not the words or behaviors of others. The secret is observing and evaluating our own reactions and not making ourselves or anyone else wrong.

"True Willpower" permits everything to be just as it is, without forcible resistance. The more we fight to be rid of a pain, negative emotions, or unwanted personal traits, the more we will reinforce them.

Negative emotions are merely a series of feelings that have been increased by resistance or denial about an unconscious issue that requires our attention.

Willpower Is Never A Victim.

Imagine how powerful a life free of inner or outer turmoil could be. "Willpower" is just that! "True Willpower" gives us the power to overcome the "Fear of Success" and the "Fear of Failure".

The "Laws of Attraction" state that we only attract circumstances that have lessons to be learned for our benefit.

Relationships are not accidental and particularly the more difficult ones are the opportunity to identify the mirror of what we cannot accept about our own personality.

To summarize this extract, take up your journal and consider your own levels of personal Willpower.


Journal Time

Willpower Exercises

Ask yourself the following questions:

Question 1: If you dared to live a life that you truly loved - what changes would you make?

Question 2: Where do you use Willpower to remain stuck in any situation?

Question 3: Are you prepared to do whatever it takes, to be free of outer control and gain inner harmony?

Let us now move to the Seventh Factor of Achievement: INTUITION