Shedding the Veils of Illusion
Most modern humans do not actually possess "self-perception". Instead our realities are made up of all the learning, experiences and decisions of our life, since the day we were born. Unaware self-concepts evolve into a life of comparison and need for approval.
Jack > Bob < Frank Story
This was Jane's third marriage.
Jane had chosen Frank because he was totally different to the first two husbands.
Frank wasn't as good looking or smart as her first husband Jack, but this was a relief because she didn't have to keep looking over her shoulder to see if some "gorgeous long legged tigress" was going to grab him when she wasn't looking.
Even though her first husband Jack had never actually been unfaithful, she had always been on guard, suspicious of his movements and uncomfortably jealous of any woman who spoke even two words to him. Jack would become angry and defensive at her regular accusations and interrogations and gradually his interest dissipated. Just as she "always knew", Jack ran off with another woman.
Frank wasn't as lazy and unkempt as her second husband Bob. Frank was certainly smarter and much more generous than Bob. Bob had never helped with the house, cooked, made coffee and tea, washed the dishes like Jack or Frank did. Frank had never been aggressive and abusive like Bob (which is why that marriage had been a particularly short one.)
The truth was that Frank was amazing, and her friends were in awe of how he just did everything and couldn't understand why Jane was not happy in this relationship either.
"I feel so smothered!" Jane claimed. "I know Frank does all those things, but ... I feel I have no control on my life because he is always picking up after me. He makes me feel incompetent and lazy. Whenever we have a disagreement, he always throws all that he does for me up in my face like a martyr."
Like most of us, when Jane concluded that "this" type of relationship didn't work for her, she tried something different.
Why Don't They Make Us Happy?
Because they are not meant to!
Relying upon other people and material items for our self esteem, self worth and self perception is co-dependent and will always end in disappointment.
A relationship should should teach us about ourselves, how to improve ourselves and no other human being on this planet is responsible for our happiness.
Instilling Powerful Perceptions In Children
The Factor of Perception is vital to parenting. We raise our children with the hope that we nourish and nurture their futures. The one single destroyer of a child's personality and future adult self esteem is the fostering of false and destructive self perceptions.
The Perception Exercise.
Now it is time to pull out your journal and answer these questions truthfully. Just answer what comes up, there is nothing right or wrong here.
Question 1: Who or what am I attempting to be?
Question 2: Where and when did I collect the perceptions of myself? Were these sources true?
Question 3: What limitations have I set for myself as a result of my self concepts?
Question 4: What, who, or which group do I still permit, or rely upon, to alter my self perceptions and self worth, even if they don't know it? around:
Question 5: What individuals and groups do I judge "a certain way" for their characteristics and who would judge me in the same fashion.
Let us now move to the Fourth Factor of Achievement: EMOTIONAL STRENGTH